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Tuesday, May 28, 2013

Steps to Getting Over Your Ex Quicker Than Expected

Breakups are hard. For both parties involved, the breaker upper, and the break-upee. But the only way that it will be harder on yourself is if you dwell on your ex-partner and don't make an effort to get over him or her. (Now, please, keep in mind that the mourning period is different for everyone, and some of these steps may not necessarily work for you. These just helped in my experiences. I am aware that I am no expert, but I do have a knack for getting over boys in a snap, and this is what helps me.)

Breakups, I feel, are something practically everyone has to go through to truly understand what they want and need out of a relationship. Some people are lucky enough to have found it with their first try, but for the rest of us, it's a long journey.

Please remember that even without these tips, you will get over that ex, even if it feels like you never will. Some people will always carry a part of that person in their heart, but eventually you will get to the point where you don't even remember his or her birthday, laugh, or even their face. You will find that beautiful, peaceful place of freedom--I am just here to possibly help speed up the process.

01. Don't dwell on the idea that you will get back together. Even if there is the possibility of you and your now ex-significant other to be reunited as a couple--don't expect it, and certainly don't wait for it. Odds are, it won't happen, and waiting idly by is simply wasting your time. I know there are some of you that are convinced that you and your ex are meant to be, and that may be very true, but my logic is that if it's meant to happen, it will happen at that time. In the meanwhile, you can't just wait, you have to continue living your life. Acceptance is a really important first step. If you were really supposed to be together, you would not have broken up (sorry for the tough love!)

02. Cut off communication. Oh boy, this one is not easy--trust me, I've been there. But probably the most vital step if you want to get over your ex is cutting off communication. It doesn't have to be so extreme at first. Like, the moment you break up, you log onto Facebook and delete him or her. But you certainly should not be talking as often as you did when you were in a couple. Another important thing to remember in this step is stop the flirting. It will definitely come as second nature, which is unhealthy after a breakup, so talking less and less as time goes on will help end that habit. Eventually, you will get to the point where you can easily unfollow him or her from Twitter, Tumblr, delete from Facebook and your phone and feel nothing at all. It takes time, and the amount is different for everyone.

03. Try to avoid seeing them, but don't let it interfere with your daily life. This is tricky if you and your ex live in the same town or neighbourhood--but it is crucial not to see your ex in person when a breakup is fresh for many reasons. 1) Feelings are still there, they don't disappear over night. You may feel pretty confident enough to show up to their work and be over them, but seeing them in person for the first time may change everything. 2) You may do something stupid. If you're filled up with rage or hurt when you see your ex after a breakup, you definitely may not have your head screwed on straight and say or do some things you don't mean, which won't make you feel good. The best way to feel good about yourself is holding your head high and don't waste your mind filling it with hate.

Now, when I say "don't let it interfere with your daily life" I mean, don't purposely avoid the mall because there's a chance he or she may be there, just think smart. If you know he or she will be at work that day, maybe you shouldn't go to that particular store. But if you planned to go to a party or event and it just so happens that your ex may be showing up, don't avoid your plans just for one person.

I was lucky enough to be 3,000 miles away from my ex after we broke up during long distance and it really helped not seeing him. I haven't to this day and it's only a few months shy of a year. I'm definitely not concerned about it anymore, because I have a completely new life now that he is no longer affecting.

04. Dispose of personal belongings. This is something to take care of after time has passed following the breakup. Burning old mix tapes and ripping apart photos may seem like a great outlet, but after a breakup, one will be incredibly emotional, a state in which it is hard to think straight. What I found useful was storing items pertaining to that person in a box until I was level-headed enough to know what I wanted to do with it. It took a few weeks before I found out how much better off I was without that person, and I disposed of certain things properly, without rage. It's so important to keep your emotions in check at this stage. Anything that may remind you of that person has got to go. If things have sentimental or profitable value to the other person, you should most likely give it back (through the mail, seeing them is a bad idea (see step 3)!) (Then again, if your ex was really terrible and he or she bought you an expensive ring--sell it and use the money to buy something for YOU that makes YOU feel good.)

05. Find some you time. Learn to love yourself and love being single. It can be hard picturing your life without you-know-who, but being newly-single is the best time to understand the most important person in your life a little bit better--you! Being single allows you to live the way you want and not worry about having to secure the happiness of another. This leads to you learning so much more about yourself which is a must for healthy relationships. Not to mention loving yourself will make you love your ex less and less. Just look what they're missing! Their loss, truly.

06. Surround yourself with loving, supportive people. You may find yourself crying and being down on yourself a lot after the breakup period. A lot of confidence could be shaken and hopelessness may creep up on you, but that's what friends are for! If you surround yourself with the right people, they can help you get back on your feet.


Avoid the following:

  • Rebounds: don't jump to another person just because you feel like you need to be with someone at that moment or want to use someone to make your ex jealous. Most often, if one feels like they "need" a boyfriend or girlfriend, that's the time they need the most alone time. Not to mention, using people is totally wrong and you could really hurt that new guy or girl if they're into you but you only want them as a toy.
  • Self-Blame. Breakups are usually due to two people just not right for each other, and every person deserves someone who is a perfect fit. Unless you or the person you were with is abusive or cheated, no one is to blame. Especially if your ex was abusive or cheated--it is absolutely not your fault.
  • Moping. Don't stay in your room all day in the dark, scrolling through Tumblr miserable. Keep busy! Do things you love to do. Spend time with your friends and family. And laugh a lot. (Laughter, after all, is the best medicine!)

Now you may be wondering when you'll be ready to move on. The truth is, there is no answer for that--only you will truly know. And if you absolutely are certain you are over that ex, no one has the right to tell you you're wrong. Just stay confident, happy, and don't let the loss of someone that was seemingly perfect in your eyes completely ruin your smile, because you are way cooler than that.

Eventually, you'll meet that special one, and you'll just know. But that's not to say you ever need another person to verify your happiness--because once you find it in yourself, you can conquer the world alone!

Hope this helped all you broken hearted cutie pies out there. This definitely all worked for me. I don't think I'll ever be 100% over the bad stuff that happened to me while in a relationship, but through moving on, loving myself, and finding a pretty cool partner to help me along the way, I will be out of that hole for good and say "_____ who?". Hopefully you all will too!

♥ Sarah

As always, leave a comment below for comments, questions, concerns, feedback, and if you have any of your own advice to give to readers!

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